Middle-Earth Shrink Files

EXCLUSIVE – We’ve cracked down some undisclosed files from a Middle-Earth celebrity shrink and found out how crazy those people can get! It’s all too familiar at the same time. Suddenly, Middle-Earth lost its “middle” name and becomes just regular earth we know.

Name: Gandalf

Race: Old man, maia, whatever

Thinks that: He is a genetic enhanced being who can move metallic objects and create magnetic fields.

Cuckoo episode: He tried to block the passage of a Balrog with a magnetic field. 

Diagnosis: Mild paranoia specially towards rings and bald people on wheel chair who supposedly can read his thoughts!

Name: Frodo

Race: Hobbit, Leprechaun, whatever

Thinks that: He is invisible whenever he wants to, and has been used those moments to aggressive behavior alongside a gang of hooligans.

Cuckoo episode: During an assault by a rival gang of black-hooded hooligans, he thought he could make them vanish by becoming himself “invisible”.

Diagnosis:  Possibly a mild borderline personality disorder or even an intermittent explosive disorder

Name: Saruman

Race: Old man, maia…or the like.

Thinks that: He can suck people’s blood, shoot lightnings with his fingers, correct all the dental problems of the world…

Cuckoo episode: So many! Once he stated that he was being attacked by a small green creature who was attacking him with something he calls “The Force”.

Diagnosis: Classic and strong case of multiple personality disorder. Caution and strong medication needed!

Name: Sauron

Race: Weirdo Dark Lord, maia..you know!

Thinks that: He is Hitler, Castro, Hussein, Kim, Chávez, Satan and so on… He wants to control everything and everyone.

Cuckoo episode: He says that he can see everything and none is hidden from his gaze. He really believes that!

Diagnosis: Obsessive-compulsive disorder as well as crystal clear megalomania. Stay away!

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Filed under Funny, Psycho

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