Category Archives: Funny

A fresh-mint Mouth … of Sauron

elvish-colgate

Mornómë – Ninquitala Carcassë

Our new sponsor presents you a newly organized page full of famous quotes translated into Quenya. M page! Check there Mahatma Gandhi, Madonna, Muse, Metallica, Moiraine Damodred and …

m

…of course, the one and only, our smily face Mouth of Sauron!

mouth-of-sauron

Never again rotten teeth, foul stinky breath, putrid tongue and  malign gingivitis

Say good-bye to the old days with the new

Mornómë!

mouth-of-sauron-smile

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Q101Tight

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Filed under Ads, Funny, Poem & Prose, Quenya, The Lord Of The Rings

Finns finished fishing the finishing Finnish fish…

Oh, sweet melodious Finnish! We owe you so much! Quenya owes you so much. It’s like a distant uncle who although he lives far away, is most cherished and beloved by his little niece, Quenya. Below, you’ll find some tongue twisters in FINNISH (for fun and curiosity) just to mess with your ears while enjoying the nice phonetics of this beautiful language.  By the way….can you repeat them all? OUCH! Go for it!

 

Appilan pappilan piski paksuposki pakkas kapsäkin ja pinkaisi juoksuun

(The dog from the presbytery of Appilan has packed its bags and started running)

This sentence makes no sense at all! Specially when we all know the dog from the presbytery of Appilan has only 3 legs and runs very badly.

Appilan pappilan apupapin papupata pankolla kiehuu ja kuohuu

(The beans’ bread of the deacon of Appilan boils and seethes all over the cooker)

Well, definitely, some serious shit happens in Appilan!!! The place to be!

Kokoo kokoon koko kokko! Koko kokkoko? Koko kokko

(Kokko, collect all the wood to make a fire! All the wood? Yes, all the wood)

Apparently, Kokko and all those almost-homonyms can mean different things altogether. Also, ‘ko’ indicates a question so it’s not quite hard to have a weird sentence like that above.

Hurskastelevaisehkollaismaisellisuuksissaankohankin hän toimi?

(I wonder if he did this in order to show that he was able to have an attitude a little bit Hippocratic?)

Well, you know…I often wonder the same thing!

Keksijä Keksi keksi keksin keksittyään keksin keksijä Keksi keksi keksin keksityksi

(The inventor Cookie has invented the cookie. After Cookie invented the cookie, he invented that the cookie was invented.)

The same principle of Kokko applies here. Anyway, I’d like to know more about this inventor…

Lentokonesuihkuturbiinimoottoriapumekaanikkoaliupseerioppilas

(?)

The hugest word in Finnish dictionary! 61 letters which basically (emphasis on “basically”) is a military term used in the Air Force to describe a engineer specialized in aircraft jet engines.

Olin sedälläni seitsemän vuotta kodossa renkinä

(I was the maid of my uncle for seven years at his home)

Well, where’s the tongue twister? Here the trick is different. If you pronounce this sentence a bit wrongly, you end up meaning: “I worked seven years in my anus”. Better watch your mouth!!!

Riiuuyoaie

(!)

And the Finns strike back! This is the word with most consecutive vowels in the World! It’s known exactly what it means but it refers to night time. Death to consonants!

 
Inspired by topito.com

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Q101Tight

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Filed under Finnish, Funny, Linguistics, Phonetics

Everything WRONG with the Hobbit in 4 minutes or less

Truth hurts! I’m pro-Peter Jackson doing whatever he feels like with the Hobbit movies, Silmarillion, Húrin, Númenor…you know whatever he wants! The guy proved already he’s the man and got what it takes as a Tolkien’s fan to put his finger in our beloved stories.

BUT, Hollywood is…Hollywood and there’s always much money involved. Money is the root of all evil. Evil makes you sin. Sins is what you gonna watch below. It’s a cool video and seriously…you don’t need to take it….seriously. Sit back and relax, The Hobbit is still pretty cool. But the truth is out there too:

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Q101Tight

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Filed under Funny, Hobbit, The Hobbit, Tolkien

White Tree Awards III

300th

How did we make it? I don’t know. I just know it all started here with no pretension whatsoever. I guess perhaps that was the trick in it. Let’s just make something we enjoy together and yeah….if people enjoy it too, cool! White Tree Awards was born with this idea in mind: to show what people have enjoyed too! 😀

The 3rd edition of this award celebrate the best post achievements between 10/22/12 and 10/10/13.

wt3 1

 

And the White Tree goes to…

Most Engaging

Thousands and thousands of people just flock to this post for the past 7 months! #1!

Most Philological

Quenya verb system easily explained so you can conjugate them all!

Most Polemic

Quenya101 shows you the TRUTH behind those magical elvish sites!

Most Spread

Impressive stats! And it’s NOT in English! Puxa, pessoal!

Most Watched

Undoubtedly an amazing pen for an amazing alphabet!

Most Jaw-dropping

Troy’s idea was jaw-dropping and the results got awesome!

And now…..the MAJOR prizes!

Best Rated

not all those who wander are lost full analysis in quenya BEST

“Not all those who wander are lost” FULL analysis in Quenya

Sky-high as I told you above and just rising! Prime analysis!

Best Funny

a maia called spoungebob squarepants

A Maia called…. SpongeBob SquarePants

We all get drunk and sing stupid songs sometimes,….don’t we?

Best Translation

the prophecy of malbeth quenyanna

The Prophecy of Malbeth Quenyanna

A very well dug text from Tolkien and translated nicely into Quenya!

Best Attraction

the church of middle earth

The Church of Middle-Earth

Not about religion, but beauty and style. Must see!

Best Commented

the hobbit an unexpected journey review

The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey Review

What a event! What a great day around the World!

And…..

You all voted on the next one…..

Best People’s Choice

an elvish love story

An elvish love poem

Oh, love…what is love! Warmth to our hearts!

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Quenya101 staff

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Filed under Art, Elvish, Funny, Guide, Hobbit, Keyboard, Linguistics, Love, News, Poem, Portuguese, Quenya, Tengwar, The Hobbit, White Tree

When an elf reads an elvish tattoo

This is an eye opener. It’s not about elvish tattoos per se. You can check good(?) examples here. This post is about the nauseating feeling one who understands and reads Tengwar, gets when one lays eyes upon the misspelled misfortunes of others’ skins.

Sometimes people don’t get it. They think it’s quite ok getting Tengwar gibberish. “It doesn’t matter” they say. “The letters are beautiful and nobody’s gonna read them anyway” they say. But they are

WЯONG

It matters! There are people who’s gonna read them! Now you’re gonna read the tattoos below and understand how it feels when you can read awful elvish tattoos. BEHOLD:

Who is life?

Who is life?

Lord give me strenth

Lord give me strenth

Because if you never don't give up then you always won't succeed.

Because if you never don’t give up then you always won’t succeed.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but tradgedy well, it's THERE!

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but tradgedy well, it’s THERE!

I wonder if he really knows the band! Sabbaht is unheard of.

I wonder if he really knows the band! Sabbaht is unheard of.

Too much sugar on your....kidneys? Girl, you gotta see a doctor quickly!

Too much sugar on your….kidneys? Girl, you gotta see a doctor quickly!

My next what? Seriously man, I'm curious now.

My next what? Seriously man, I’m curious now.

Prome being short for....?

Prome being short for….?

Is that an aptitude test? "No dream is to big as apple is to _________"

Is that an aptitude test? “No dream is to big as apple is to _________”

Yes, definitely belive! Don't bedie!

Yes, definitely belive! Don’t bedie!

I foresee there WILL BE more crossing-outs.

I foresee there WILL BE more crossing-outs.

What will you do redundantly? Uh-uh....nevermind.

What will you do redundantly? Uh-uh….nevermind.

An angel born in Gaurdia? Tell me more about that.

An angel born in Gaurdia? Tell me more about heaven’s geography.

I wonder if you were not awsome, what kind of shitty tattoo you would get.

I wonder if you were not awsome, what kind of shitty tattoo you would get.

Isn't it ironic? Don't you think? A little too ironic!

Isn’t it ironic? Don’t you think? A little too ironic!

So,

How does it feel? Would you facepalm them or compliment their beautiful letters? That’s how we (the ones who know Quenya and/or Sindarin) feel when we see tattoos that don’t make sense. I mean, they tried and they felt short. They may look cool and awsome, but they’re not. And the moral of the story is: LEARN how to WRITE first, then get a TATTOO! Be it English, be it Japanese, be it Quenya! It’s golden rule for them all!

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Filed under Art, Elvish, English, Funny, Tattoo, Tengwar

John Ronald Rootytoot Reagan … Tolkien (or something like that)

Gandalf Jackson

As we have already exposed all the known details about his great work the Silly Marillion, today we’re gonna read more about this peculiar author so renowned. Maybe you think you know one thing or two about him (or three or eleven or thirty-six hundred things) but get ready for the unbeknownst knowledge taken from Internet!

Who is Tolkien?

Famous director, author, dictator, actor, politician, biologist and hockey player(as well as frequent mentor to Batman’s younger cousin Manbat), J.R.R.R.A.B.C.D.E.F.X.Y.Z. (John Ronald Rootytoot Reagan Ass-Bitch Chix Don’t Even Frickin’ Xylophone Yurie Zauron) Tolkien is the tolkien_j_r_r-19721214019R.2_png_300x436_q85historian who discovered that the true history of the earth was being covered up by the world’s governments, who did not want the general population to know of the existence of dragons, elves, hobbits, magic, etc, in order to maintain control over their people.

Tolkien’s greatest invention was the fantasy industry. Without his influence online collaborative games would all be about spies or snowboarding or something and goths would have to dress in pastel casuals. But thanks to Tolkien, gamers, goths, hippies, occultists and heavy metal bands have a rich reference-iconography of dark overlords, wizards, orcs, funny lettering, dungeons, bad fashion and awesome films to smoke dope to, allowing contact with the real world to be minimized.

Biography

Tolkien was born in 1066 to a hobbit awkwardly named Tolkien’s mom. He was given birth to in a chopshop amid the sprawling grasslands of central New Jersey. A prophecy told of his birth as the fruits of an Inuit and yet another hobbit. His legitimate mother found this odd as she was never married to an Inuit. The prophecy also said that within 5 hours of his birth he would successfully fight for hobbit rights among the population of New Jersey, and he did. A precocious child, he also learned to speak Welsh, Japanese, French, and Klingon within twenty minutes of his birth. He would go on to master the Inuit language, and is personally responsible for forty-seven of their eighty-two words describing snow.

Craving for more? Really? You got a strange taste, mate! It’s ok anyway. Sometimes, we all need to laugh a bit and not take things too seriously. So, the good, the bad and the ugly (jokes) you can find not here, nor here and neither here. It’s right…..there!

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Filed under Funny, History, Silmarillion, The Hobbit, The Lord Of The Rings, Tolkien

One does not simply see an angry vagina

Why so serious? Ignorance is bliss and let’s laugh a bit about it! This is a funny post brought to you by The Bloggess and if this situation may have happened to you, well…it’s past time you start looking for new friends, man!

The Bloggess

What it’s like being friends with non-geek girls:

Friend: Why did you just send me a picture of an angry vagina?

The Bloggess: No, I didn’t. I sent you a picture of a kick-ass cake.

Friend: No. It was a hat. With an angry vagina on it.

The Bloggess: It’s a cake with the Eye of Sauron on it.

angry

Quickly-becoming-not-friend: The what of what?

The Bloggess: The giant, flaming eye. From Lord of the Rings(?)

Still-friend?: Really? Looks like vagina hat to me.

The Bloggess: Great. Now all I can see it’s an irritated vagina. You’re goddamn contagious.

Used-to-be-friend: Angry. The damn thing is furious. And why is it surrounded by Arabic?

The Bloggess: That’s elvish (alphabet).

Unknown stranger: Sometimes I wonder why we’re friends.

The Bloggess: Sometimes I wonder the same thing.

Now, perhaps…the Eye of Sauron is all ruined for us. We’re hardly gonna be able NOT to see an angry vagina, but that’s the price for ignorance (of others). And I can assure my friends (and still-friends) it’s not bliss! It’s angry, it’s very angry and it comes with Arabic on it!

Sauron Censored

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Get your barf bag ready! It’s Hobbit nausea time!

This might be true, this might be false, but rumor has it that the technology used when shooting the Hobbit movie (High speed+3D) may cause nausea and motion sickness among viewers.

What? Do you think I’m kidding and this is all made up as a joke or something? NO…it’s real deal. Check the news:

“Peter Jackson’s fantasy flick premiered in New Zealand on Nov. 28 and claims ofmotion sickness and nausea during early viewings of “The Hobbit” were first reported by The New Zealand Herald, which cited two anonymous sources. This report was followed by a review by Collider critic Dave Trumbore, who wrote: “Definite ‘motion sickness’ potential during scenes of chaotic action or fast-movement; the increased clarity often feels as if you’re standing on set with the actors/characters, so when they take a crazy tumble down a rabbit hole, for example, you feel just as disoriented.”

And you know what I say about that? HOOORAY! I wanna feel what they’re feeling on screen and who cares if I have to carry a barf bag with me? I see no problem with that! 😀

I'm gonna go back to the movie, ok?

I’m gonna go back to the movie, ok?

“Any possible “Hobbit” motion sickness has been rooted back to the film having beenshot using 3-D and new 48fps (frames per second) technology, double the standard rate of 24fps that has been used to shoot films since 1927. “The Hobbit” is the first major studio film to be projected at 48fps.”

See??? The higher the technology, the better the result is! If you barf, well it’s all your fault, you pussy! You should try at least some rainbows, for crying out loud! 🙂

Barfing Hobbit

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Q101Tight

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Elvish Horoscope!

Let me make myself clear: I don’t believe in horoscopes nor support any astrology related material! This is just a post about, you know…elvish fun mixed with something else which most people didn’t see it coming.

Instead of following some ludicrous pseudo-science developed by the Babylonians thousands of years ago, when they observed that the seasons and some events related to them repeated each year at the same appointed time and coincidentally the stars always were at the same position when that happened and…..BANG, someone had the “brilliant” idea of connecting the dots (literally) and believing that stars guided everything that happened in Earth, included the birth, personality and future of people. In conclusion: bullshit!

I’m pretty glad Elves are not that stupid. They knew for a certainty that the stars were mere gifts of Varda and they praised them, but you know…the future is yours to take and to make and the personality is yours to mold or let it be molded by others.

To mock how a horoscope would be in an elvish style, check the chart below:

How do I know my Elvish sign?

First of all, you need to know which day you were born according to the elvish calendar. Go here and get your Java Elvish Calendar so you can convert your birth date into the Imladris Reckoning.

Pay attention to one important detail: Were you born AFTER the sunset? If so, check the “after sunset” box at the Java Elvish Calendar, click to convert it and what you get is your day and also the day of the week you were born!

Voilà. The day of the week is what determines which elvish sign is yours!

Mine is Menelya. What about you? Know a little bit more about yourself and the day you were born below:

Valanya

Valanya (“Valaday”) is the day of the Valar, the Powers. People born in Valanya are intense, powerful, impulsive, organized and determined. Sometimes, they tend to be jealous, self-centered and stubborn.

Beware of: angry dogs, falling objects and people who pretend to be your friends but are not. Eventually, you’re gonna die.


Elenya

Elenya (“Starday”) is the day of the Stars, the jewels Varda put in the sky. People born in Elenya are efficient, sensitive, creative, compassionate and loyal. Unfortunately, they may be a little bit obsessive, elusive and too dreamy.

Beware of: drunk drivers, lava from volcanos and people who want to put you down by diminishing your creativity. Sadly, in the end, you’re gonna die.


Anarya

Anarya (“Sunday”) is the day of the Sun, the great fruit of Laurelin who heralded the coming of the Men. People born in Anarya are bright, realistic, curious, knowledgeable and versatile. Also, they may be considered as rebellious, unsociable and moody.

Beware of: food that might make you choke, hitchhikers and people who gossip about you and what you do with life. Anyway, they’ll shut up when you die, and you will.


Isilya

Isilya (“Moonday”) is the day of the Moon, Telperion’s last flower. People born in Isilya are romantic, harmonious, fair, enthusiastic and protective. Their bad traits include being envious, nervous and wrathful.

Beware of: UFOs, mosquitoes that transmit Malaria and people who play with other’s feelings without showing any regret. But don’t forget that….you’re gonna die!


Aldúya

Aldúya (TwoTreeday) is the day dedicated to the Two Trees, the wondrous Trees of Valinor. People born in Aldúya are brave, civilized, smart, sociable and reliable. Perhaps, they may also be temperamental, tactless and deeply complex.

Beware of: boiling water on your lap, serial killers with chainsaw and people who are not honest and lie all the time. Lies won’t last forever and neither will you….You’re gonna die.


Menelya

Menelya (“Heavenday, Skyday”) is the day dedicated to the Skies and everything above. People born in Menelya are intellectual, devoted, magnetic, original and idealistic. Unfortunately, they are lazy, introvert and depressive also.

Beware of: politics, lightning bolts and people who want to abuse you and your efforts. Remember: don’t try too hard because…you’re gonna die!

Horoscopes, huh? Full of predictive material with lots of human traits that one way or the other you’ll identify yourself with it.

Now you can play and joke with it elvish style! 😀

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Filed under Calendar, Elvish, Folklore, Funny, Quenya, Tengwar

A Maia called….SpongeBob SquarePants

Ok, here is the thing: I’m drunk. You can see that by the title of this post (I guess). Today is Beerday and I’m really celebrating it the way it should be. As a matter of fact, while celebrating Beerday everybody knows one must sing aloud incoherently any stupid song that one has in mind when being drunk, because it is funny and because…yeah, because!

So, to make things shorter as they are already too long, here comes SpongeBob SquarePants (but you know…in QUENYA! because that’s what we do here….things in Quenya)

Ma nalyë manwa, híni?

Ná, ná, hesto!

Umin polë hlarital

NÁ, NÁ, HESTO!

A man marë yávessë nu i ëar

HwandeCalio TéracornaLanni

Ve hwan ar malina ar yo ecca naryë

HwandeCalio TéracornaLanni

Qui úsanalë ëarello ná i nat meril

HwandeCalio TéracornaLanni

Sië á tulë ciryanna ar á lilta ve lingwë

HwandeCalio TéracornaLanni

Manwa? HwandeCalio TéracornaLanni

HwandeCalio TéracornaLanni

HwandeCalio TéracornaLanni

HwandeCalio TéracornaLanni

PS: SpongeBob SquarePants is not a Maia who lives under the sea and I foresee a huge hangover tomorrow.

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Filed under Drugs, Elvish, Food & Drink, Funny, Music, Quenya, Tengwar

White Tree Awards II

200th

This is the 200th post of Quenya101 Language Institute. Since our humble beginning here much has changed! Pages were created, sections were born, new things popped up, Quenya Masters were admitted as permanent staff of our institute.

Now, we come to the 2nd edition of the White Tree Awards to celebrate and recognize the best posts since 11/30/11 until 10/19/12. You know, it’s like the Oscars…but cooler 😀 😀 ….everything tastes cooler when Tolkien and Quenya is involved!

And the White Tree goes to…

Most Engaging

Surely, the most engaging one with the open invitation to every single one to become a Quenya Master and play an active role as part of Quenya101 staff.

Most Philological

Quendi & Eldar series (including its Sindarin and Telerin posts as well) treated with details of elvish culture and the words used to describe themselves as race.

Most Polemic

After this amazingly interesting article you may question yourself about their ears…but they still keep looking good! Pointed or not….elves rule!

Most Spread

With one single retweet from a girl on a Sunday afternoon, this post blew up all records of visit at that time! Remarkable ink with a remarkable story here too!

Most Watched

Music to the eyes! We all have our different passions in music, but epics are epics and the video at the bottom of this post cannot deny its nature.

Most Jaw-dropping

The post is not a big deal but behind it, it’s huge! Documents unpublished written by Tolkien himself related to the creation of the Tengwar alphabet! H-U-G-E!

And now the major prizes!!!

Best Rated

Tengwar Kanji

Mixing Tengwar alphabet with Kanji concept…..why not? Creativity = +10.

Best Funny

Silly Marillion

The ultra famous documentary of the creation of Eä a.k.a. Eä.

Best Translation

Annie Lennox – Into the West (full Quenya version)

Finally, an accurate translation of this classic of LotR!

Best Attraction

Ingolë Levië Quenyanna

Why don’t we spice up the world of Physics with a little pinch?

Best Commented

The Ultimate Elvish Tattoo Collection

101 ways of NOT screwing up with your skin.

Best People’s Choice

Elvish Calendar now easier than ever!

Counting days with 1 click! It’s a hell of a tool & people have chosen it!

Well, well…

this is it. White Tree Awards 2 ends but before the final curtain closes, I’ll give you an extra pass for the after party! 😀 Check the personal highlights of Quenya101 staff:

Erunno says: “I’d like to congratulate Ondo & Erutulco for the amazing ideas, posts, contributions to develop and enhance the quality of Quenya101. This place would lack many thing without you two! When voting for the Best Ones here, I was sure injustices would be made but we gotta choose and here are my personal choices. They are all about originality and execution. Newton and Calendar really deserve the prize!”

Ondo says: “I simply loved Erutulco’s Into the West translation. And the Calendar! It’s a tie between both. As we have to choose only one…The Calendar. Why? It’s totally original, different from everything we’ve seen before! I’m also tied between Elvish Heraldry and Quendi & Eldar. Damn, let’s go with Heraldry as it’s something I love. Damn, this is hard!”

Erutulco says: “Very tough! But here’s my decision: Huge tie between Ondo’s I Lindë Helcë ar Nárëo (Asta II) & (Isaac Newton + Physics)² X Quenya = !!!. I’d like to vote both, but since we can only one, mine goes to Newton’s laws. Mostly because of the creativity of such a task, with the Sarati and being so perfectly done. The ones I love most from Erunno are Quendi & Eldar and Tengwar Kanji. I choose the latter for its originality.”

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Filed under Art, Calendar, Comics, Countries, Elvish, Funny, Inside Middle-Earth, Linguistics, Music, News, Physics, Poem, Pointy Ears, Quenya, Sarati, Silmarillion, Sindarin, Tattoo, Telerin, Tengwar, The Lord Of The Rings, Tolkien, White Tree

Elvish Memory Quiz!

LET’S PLAY!

It’s been a while since we had here our last challenge. Time for another one! We shall test your memory and hawk-eye’s skill. Some questions are easy, some are hard, let’s see what you are made of! Answer the quiz below and the first one to get them all correctly will win a special prize! And I mean it! Erutulco the last winner of a challenge knows what I mean!

  1. What is the country with the smallest flag to be part of Eldar Ambaressë statistics?
  2. Which Vala has a tea store in Argentina?
  3. What is the sentence in Sindarin a girl should not have written in her panties?
  4. How do we say “Namárië” in Vuhlkansu, the mother tongue of Spock?
  5. What is Yoda’s wisest counsel for those waiting in line?
  6. Who’s got the most accurate tattoo? Sergio Agüero, Fernando Torres or none of them?
  7. Who was the first person who donated to the Elvish School Project?
  8. How many words are there in the Quenya101 Pangram?
  9. What is the 10th commandment of Angry Legolas?
  10. Which “Tolkien cards” character has a photo of a porn actress?

OBS.: Answer through the comment box here. Your answers will be analyzed by me but they will not be published until someones gets all correctly. I’ll write down the score of each one though, but not the answers. You can try getting a perfect score as many times as you want.

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